Unchange the World

I didn’t enter the Change the World in One Minute Contest that Kyeli and Pace ran on their website, FreakRevolution.com. There were two major reasons. In Pace’s post this morning asking why very few people entered, I gave her my two reasons:

a) School started and I’m super flaky to anything that isn’t school.
b) I didn’t think you’d like what I had to say.

I don’t think reason a needs much explanation. I am taking 18 hours at St. Edwards university this semester and my brain, while extra wrinkly as a result, is currently also the consistency of cottage cheese with special swiss-like pockets. You get the picture.

The second reason, however, I know Pace is going to call me out on, so I suppose I’ll get to explaining myself right away. If I had entered the contest- which I didn’t- this is probably what I would have said.

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I don’t think you’ll like what I have to say. This contest is about what I’m doing to change the world. You won’t like what I’m going to say because what I am doing to change the world is nothing. I am doing nothing to change the world.

It’s not because I’m lazy. It’s not because I think the world is perfect. It’s because I think that over the course of human history very few people have changed the world and done a very good job of it. Plus, I’m not that ambitious. I’m not an atom bomb and I’d like to keep it that way. I’m more like that butterfly flapping its wings and starting a hurricane only I know better.

If anything, I want to unchange the world. I don’t imagine a world where people suddenly stop trying to conquer their enemies, or where religious diversity incites disaster instead of harmony. I don’t know how those problems can be fixed because the underlying problem is people want it that way. People want control. People want violence. I don’t understand it. I don’t want it. But no matter how good a salesman you are, you could not sell me a pickle and mustard sandwich. I would never buy it. And there are people out there- violent people who want to be tyrants. They dream of it. How do you sell them connection and harmony when all they want is blood and whores?

You can’t. Well, maybe you can. I can’t. I’m not made for that kind of struggle. I’m made to make little changes in the lives of people who deserve a better reality. I can’t change international war, but I can give a hug to a classmate having a bad day. I can send letters to friends letting them know that I miss them and hope that it brightens their day. I can learn about literature and history and art and I can teach those things to people- I can help children grow through experiencing books.

The world’s been changed enough and I know enough about science to know that if we stopped cutting the earth down it would grow right over our concrete and reclaim itself. I’m not going to convince greedy men to stop cutting down trees to make subdivisions but what I can do- what I am doing- is looking at the small picture. Not even my country, but my community. Because the world doesn’t need to be changed- we do.

I don’t always agree with my friends on their tactics, so I stay pretty quiet. The truth is that I believe in public school- I think it’s important as hell. I’m not very religious myself but I recognize that some people- lots of people- truly need their religion to get through the day, to have faith that their life isn’t meaningless. And I enjoy television, movies, theatre. I enjoy storytelling no matter where it is. I’m not an entrepreneur- and I have no desire to be.

I’m also not that revolutionary. It’s not because I don’t think you should be. Not at all. The world needs revolutionaries. The world needs people to keep it in check- to make sure we realize when humanity is going in the kind of direction that points towards the atom bomb, the electric chair, or McCarthyism. But the world also needs people who spend their lives living in the world- who are quiet and introspective. My kind of change has nothing to do with government, with money, or with taking things away from people- even bad things from bad people. I’m no enforcer.

I once wrote: We must be certain that our voices sing the praise of the better world, and our fingers point the way, and not the blame. That’s how I live my life, or at least how I try to. I am not going to change the world. I’m going to change me. I’m going to become a good example for my daughter- for my students. Maybe I’m not perfect, but I think at least I can be that. Not to change the world, but to live in it.

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Maybe some time I'll expand on what I mean by Unchanging the world. It's a deeper concept than I wrote here, and I probably left it a little unclear. This is just the beginning. I don't want to argue- this is not meant to argue against anyone else's world view- it is merely a defense of my decision to live a quiet life. I do wish to improve myself- and I have been doing a lot of quiet self work these days. But the truth is that while my view of teaching is that it is an avenue to encourage future revolutionaries to think critically and develop moral reasoning, I know that I am not fit for the battlefeild.